Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
