My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
did i just pee glitter
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