Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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