Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
