evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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