his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
