im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
