I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
