sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize