I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
