no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
