i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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