Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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