it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
