Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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