If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
