You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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