well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
