Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
