Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
