I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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