We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
