smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
