He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
