ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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