Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
