You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fuck appropriateness.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
