I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
