I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I believe in your delicious
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
