someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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