just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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