The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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