Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
