You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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