You just made me feel so damn special
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
