My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
