You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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