Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
