wanna go halves on a baby?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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