i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
