do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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