just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
