I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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