You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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