I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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