Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
COCAINE IS GR8
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
