I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So here I am, sexting at work.
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