What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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