So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
