hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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