Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
id be glad to
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
