Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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