Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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