i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
