i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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