ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
