The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
