I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
