I just pynch a tree in the face
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
