Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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