We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
