I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
