She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
